When Held to the Sun
I am a survivor of sexual assault and a suicide attempt. I am a survivor who has walked through the revolving doors of love that hurts—enduring two abusive relationships.
Both of them were rooted in emotional and psychological abuse. One escalated to physical violence and humiliation, while in the other, I had to carefully plan my exit to ensure my safety.
I’ve lived with anxiety and depression for most of my life, much of it tied to unresolved trauma.
As a biracial adoptee, I struggled to find where I belonged from a very young age. That deep sense of displacement and lack of a clear identity shaped much of my early life. Over time, these struggles manifested in body image issues that developed into an eating disorder.
For years, I didn’t fully understand how deeply these identity wounds were fueling my insecurities. Without addressing them, I found myself drawn into toxic relationships and using alcohol to numb the pain I couldn’t put into words.
I am a survivor of everything the world has decided to put me through. These experiences are part of my diary—and I have chosen not to tear the pages out.
This is why.
My healing journey has been a continuous process of growth, self-discovery, and resilience. It hasn’t been easy—but every challenge has shaped me into who I am today. I’ve learned to see my struggles not as setbacks but as stepping stones.
Through vulnerability, I’ve found strength.
Through rebuilding, I’ve discovered courage.
Healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about learning from it, honoring the progress I’ve made, and moving forward with intention.
I was beaten into shades of black, blue, and purple, yet I chose to emerge a prismatic gem, my strength refracting into shimmering beams of light when held to the sun.
I am someone who chose to survive.
Now you know why.